all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I think i got beer on your cat.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
