Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
