Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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