I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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