umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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