She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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