My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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