Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
