gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Let's paint friendship bongs
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
