yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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