how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
