I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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