His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
