Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
