I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
