I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
