I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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