The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
