you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
