So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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