I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
