btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
