I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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