I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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