I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
organizing the empties. That sober.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
