doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
