4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
