Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
