My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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