He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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