I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
