Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
