I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
two words...techno handjob
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you had me at cake vodka
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
