her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you had me at cake vodka
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
