we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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