so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How's work?
Spinning.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
