Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
