I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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