so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
