i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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