Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
