I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
