I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
