we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
