Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
