How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
