a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
