just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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