I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Welp...herpes.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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