My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
