you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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