This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Everyone says I win the strip club
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
